ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
