so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
