we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
