We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I love how my cats smell like pot.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
porn star boner night. come get it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
