She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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