people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
