I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
