he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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