I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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