Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
