I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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