Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
