One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
