im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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