Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
