Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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