I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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