Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
