I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
