i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
