I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need a beard to bite.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize