Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I deserve this hangover.
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