She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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