Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
