sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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