Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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