I cannot find my penis.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
