I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
