I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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