small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
