I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
