Your mouth is God's brothel.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
