Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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