I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
