I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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