what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?