What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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