yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
