Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
In America we eat man semen.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
