To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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