I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
there is puke in my bra ... again
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