"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
