Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
