Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Someone signed my nipple.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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