You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
