Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
