you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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