Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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