there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
