Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
