He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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