I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
