I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
