i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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