man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
