He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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