you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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