wanna go halves on a baby?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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