i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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