He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
