I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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