morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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