fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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